Entertaining Yourself During the Slow Times

January 24, 2012

heidit General Musings, Writing , , , , 11 Comments

Most writers go through periods of being incredibly busy and then being incredibly not busy (like the turn of phrase?). It happens. More ambitious writers will tell you the best way to ensure there are no downtimes is to always be marketing yourself, even when you are busy. Lucky for you, I’m not so ambitious. So instead, I’m going to tell you some fun ways you can pass the time while waiting for more clients to come in. In the event that you never have any slow times (show off), the following can also be used to procrastinate.

1. Create a vision board of the clients you most desire and people whose careers you’d most like to emulate. Fill it up. Be sure to include pictures of famous people, because there is no more noble desire than fame. Once the vision board is done, stare longingly at it and think to yourself, “I am putting it out in the universe that George Clooney will call me to write a fantastic speech for him.” Jump a little when the phone rings, because you’ve actually convinced yourself that he WILL call. Feel stupid when it’s just a Telus representative trying to convince you to switch phone companies. Hide the vision board because everyone you know will mock you mercilessly for having it.

2. Keep telemarketers on the phone longer than you should, just so you have someone to talk to. Because you know you’re not really interested in their newest bundle or savings, but it’s just so nice to hear someone else’s voice. Ask lots of questions to keep them talking and say things like, “That sounds very good, but what else can you tell me about your subscription service? Does the bundle include Internet services? It does? What can you tell me about the gigs and the RAMS and the memory usage data? What do you think the Blue Jays’ chances are of making it to the World Series this year?”

3. Torment your cats by waking them from their naps every 30 minutes to pick them up and snuggle them. Give them lots of kisses, because they LOVE that. Hold them a few moments longer than they’d actually like and see which one makes the most unimpressed face (in my house, Kanoa looks the most unimpressed, but Oskar does this awesome thing where he goes completely limp in your arms when he’s given up on ever being put down again). Watch the Whiskas “Snuggly Boss” commercial and imagine how much better the commercial would be if they just put a camera in your office and recorded for about eight hours. Then imagine how much richer you would be. Then imagine how you’d spend your money. Lie to yourself because deep down you know you wouldn’t give THAT much to charity, but it feels nice to pretend.

4. Read the list of Oscar nominations and imagine what it will be like when you’re nominated for an Oscar (Best Original Screenplay, of course) and all the celebrities want to be near you. Because of COURSE they all want to be near the person who writes the screenplays. That’s exactly how it works in the real world. But with you, it’ll be different, because you’re just the right mix of startlingly intelligent, bitingly witty, deeply insightful, completely mysterious and stunningly beautiful, with a bit of coy thrown into the mix. So why wouldn’t they want to be near you?

5. Check your email relentlessly. How else will you know if someone emailed you in the last 5 minutes? Do the same with any social media accounts you have. Be sure to update your Facebook status to something that proclaims to everyone how incredibly busy you are. It’s important to keep up appearances.

6. Go through all your pens so you can get rid of the dry ones. All the pens. Yes, even the ones in the bottom drawer. Yes, and the ones you left in the basement. And your bag. Yes, go out to your car and get those ones, too. And the ones that you left on the bookshelves and by the television and on top of the fridge. And under your bed.

7. Engage in a debate with your cat about the use of the Oxford comma. Really impress him by showing him statistics, data and websites that back up your stance. There’s no point having a debate if you’re not prepared.

8. Start a blog (that’s actually the reason most people start blogs; they’re bored or procrastinating).

9. Go to Google. Type in the phrase “best writers under the age of 30.” Contemplate the ramifications of developing a drinking problem when you read glowing reviews of all the amazing writers who’ve done amazing things with their amazing gifts, all under the amazing age of 30.

10. Decide you’re going to write a book. Come up with the book’s title and all chapter titles. Imagine the glowing reviews from JK Rowling, Stephen King, Michael Ondaatje and other great writers. Feel happy about your imagined future success. Go to bed and vow that tomorrow, you’ll actually seek out paying clients.

Marketing Tip: It’s Not Just About the Writing

January 17, 2012

heidit Business, Writing , , , , , , 5 Comments

Okay, I know a huge portion of your job as a writer is the writing (and writing-related tasks). Obviously, when you market yourself as a writer, people want to know about your writing and focus on the writing services you provide. So when you go to meetings you talk a lot about the projects you’ve completed, written work you’re proud of and how your writing benefits the potential client.

That’s all fantastic.

But as a writer, you’re not just providing the client with written materials. You’re also giving them–not to make this sound too cliched, but let’s just go with it–the gift of time. Because every word you write is a word the client isn’t agonizing over. Every minute you spend on reports is time they can spend in other activities, such as choosing a long-distance carrier or hiring an administrative assistant. Every grant proposal you write is one they don’t have to, giving them the time to oversee important fundraising events, like whatever run is going on this week (seriously, there is  A LOT of running for charity going on).

Why is this important? Because when you market yourself to a client, the focus is often on the final product and the client will–understandably–put a dollar value on that product and then determine whether your cost is worth that value. But they forget about all the time, hassle and annoyance they face if they were to write the document themselves. When they view it in that light, your writing suddenly seems a lot more valuable.

Take the case of grant writing. I wrote a post about it almost two years ago, but since that time, I’ve further refined my thinking on the subject.

Some organizations want grant writers to provide their services but only get paid if the grant application is successful. On the surface, this seems fair (although you should reread my post to see all the reasons why it isn’t fair). But, if you’re only focused on the document provided, then the success of that document–whether or not it obtains the grant–determines the writers’ value to the organization.

But that perspective completely ignores that the writer, by writing the application, has now freed up the organization’s staff to focus on other, equally important tasks. The organization has not only benefited by having the application written, it has benefitted by having man-hours freed up.

To put it another way: If the organization’s staff person had written the grant application, she would (she SHOULD–I can’t speak for organizations that expect their staff to work for free, and for salaried people grant writing should appear in their job description) be paid for her hours, regardless of whether or not the application was successful. And even with a staff person writing the application, there is no guarantee that the application will be successful. But the expectation is still that the staff person would be paid for time spent writing the application. Therefore, you should be paid, too.

Another example: when you ghost-write a blog post for a small business, you’re not just providing the owner with 500 words about the secret to successful marketing. You’re making it so the business owner has more time (and energy) to devote to other aspects of his business, such as meeting with potential clients, working on a project or choosing suppliers. And, because you’re a writer, you’re probably still getting the blog post done in a fraction of the time it would take him.

When companies and organizations determine if a cost is worth their money, they often consider only the final product being offered. It’s natural that the client would say, “Well, that blog post didn’t bring in a lot of customers and I’m sure I could do it myself, so maybe I don’t need you.” It’s important to remind them that you’re not just providing written materials, you’re also freeing up their time to focus on other things–things they’re good at and enjoy.

A Writer’s Christmas Wish List

December 16, 2011

heidit General Musings, Writing , , , 11 Comments

Because it’s Christmas, I thought I’d help out my writer friends by telling you what they really want for Christmas. So they don’t have to.

What to get us

1. A promise that, no matter what we say about another writer, you won’t blame our reaction on “professional envy.” We know that we can be a bit petty and bitter sometimes, but that doesn’t mean that we’re always filled with envy when we say something negative about another writer. Sometimes the other writer really does suck. We don’t accuse you of being envious all the time, so knock it off already.

And, while we’re at it, stop rolling your eyes when we point out misplaced apostrophes and improper semi-colon use. These things are important to us and we indulge you when you go off on your rants. Besides, someone approved the television commercial that says, “The Islands Own News” WITHOUT THE APOSTROPHE. Someone was paid to write that ad and the goal of these ads shouldn’t be that every time I see them I get so angry I want to hurl my television out the window in a fit of rage. On that note, a back-up television might be a good idea.

2. Something extravagant. This can include a fine wine or liqueur, fancy perfume, certificates for a facial, cigars or anything else extravagant depending on our tastes. Why? Because we won’t buy it for ourselves. We’re too busy spending our money on our business or buying cat food.

3. A journal, but not an overly fancy one. Something that wouldn’t make us punch ourselves in the head if we messed up one of the pages. We need a place to write down our thoughts, but not a place that’s so fancy we’re afraid to put ink in it.

4. Something that isn’t even a little bit writing-related. Because we need things to distract us from the writing-related thoughts that fill our brains approximately 23.75 hours a day. Good luck finding something that we can’t relate back to writing, however. It’s in our blood, so we’ll find a way.

5. Copious amounts of our beverage of choice, preferrably the higher-end brand of our beverage of choice, whether that’s wine, coffee, tea, tequila or bottled water. While you’re at it, pick up a large sized glass or mug (or whatever we would drink said beverage from) so we don’t have to go to the kitchen for refills so frequently. We know we could drink out of the bottle, but that seems really desperate of us.

6. Dinner, but one that gets us out of the house and away from our computers. And out in public again.

What not to get us

Anything by a writer who is younger than us and infinitely more wealthy and/or successful, including writers who have been on any list that includes the phrase “Best Writers Under 30″ (or any other age that is younger than us). It’s not that we’re petty or envious, it’s that we’re concerned for the emotional health of these poor writers who are obviously achieving massive success well before they’re ready or even skilled enough to fully appreciate it and we don’t want to be part of the consumer machine that drives these young writers to nervous breakdowns, chemical dependence or severe depression. So we’d just rather not read about them or why The New York Times called their book “the most important book ever,” or why movie studios are throwing money at these authors just for the right to bid on the movie rights for the book. We’re just concerned they’ve peaked too soon. Really, it’s for their own emotional health and not ours.

Also, nothing by anyone with the name “Snooki,” “Kardashian,” or anything else that sounds as though it should be the name of a breed of dog. We enjoy a trashy book as much as the next person, but we don’t need to be reminded that they got themselves a book deal. Please, just don’t.

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